Saggy Boobs and a Wide-brimmed Hat…
"I mean I’m not really one to talk now am I? My husband has his moments but put it this way, you don’t bring sand to the beach now do you Sue!" Now I know what you’re thinking and you’re probably right with your assumptions but before your conclusions are drawn let me take you on a little journey through which the explanation to this outrageous statement will be revealed. Picture this, it’s mid afternoon and you’re lounging by the pool. You begin to feel rather hot, after all it is nearly twenty-seven degrees. On your way back from your refreshing dip and just as you’re dragging your sun-lounger a bit closer to the shade, you hear the strangest conversation. Without meaning to be too nosy, you can’t help what you over hear now can you, you turn your head slightly to sneak a peak at it’s source. To your astonishment, your eyes are greeted by two giant whopper bare boobs, tanned so much they’re beginning to resemble that of a leather handbag. Your eyes are drawn up past a wibbly, wobbly belly jiggling so much with laughter, until you finally land your gaze on this beautiful yet weathered face wearing a large wide-brimmed hat. Not the typical conversation you’d expect to hear from a sixty something year old lady is it? Your attention has been grabbed. Slyly you park yourself back down on your lounger, place your earphones in your ears (now here’s the clever part) without actually playing any music. To the untrained eye, you’re off in a world of your own as you bronze peacefully in the afternoon sun when in actual fact, you’re tuning eagerly into ‘Dirty-Old-Woman-FM' to see where the conversation takes you. Rambling on and on about this and that she finally get's back to the matter in hand. Barbra (we're calling here Barbra from here on out) continues, “What's a shag here or there in Ibiza anyway, I'm at my prime now Sue, got more energy than I did in my twenties and I know just how I want to use it. Those pool boys are more than just meets the eye I can tell you that Sue!” Amazed by what your ears are receiving, you shuffle a little closer to see if you can catch the end of the story. Barbra goes on, “You wanna get yourself out her Sue, I've been here but three weeks and I've had my way with four of the waiters! This really is the life of it. What Harry doesn't know won't hurt him now will it?” Just as she's nearing the end of this ravishing tale, your own phone rings so you detach your attention from her to answer it. Five minutes later when you turn back around, she's gone and that's the last you ever saw of dear old Barbra. Who needs pool-side page turners when you've got the live feed right before your eyes?
Peace Out People,